I deleted his contacts 2 days ago. It was so I can stop lurking; so I can no longer check to see if he’s online; what time he was last seen. I kept checking his social medias, to see if he’s out and about. But he’s nowhere to be seen. He posted 2 photos some days ago; and it made me sad. In one, he was sitting, showing off new money, and behind him is a calendar made of post-its. I saw it and immediately teared up; I have a gut feeling that I didn’t make it to that calendar. That it’s the only possibility that he could forget me that day. Oh, 19. The day will forever etched as a sad day. I swore to forget him, to scream out ‘fuck you’ off the top of buildings, so the world knows that I am no longer in his captive. And yet I dreamed of him this morning. In my dream I was doing something with some people and then he arrived and sat somewhere else. When it was time to go home, I ran after him and asked him if he can talk to me for a sec. He came after me and I asked him what’s up. I asked about work and he explained to me while walking through a market. The dream ended before I ever got the chance to say anything I meant to say. And it felt a lot like reality.
29 12 2016 update: i added him again.