07 01 2017
It’s sad how I keep bracing myself for the worst: that you’ll bail again. Because I don’t know how to deal with it if it happens. Do I stop? I probably should, shouldn’t I?
06 01 2017
I kept imagining:
You run your hand through your hair, because you can’t believe that you messed it up again. You forgot me and you’re so damn frustrated. You’re trying to focus on work instead but it’s not working, you can’t stop thinking that you’d hurt me.
But that’s not what happened, is it? Because life can’t seem to be content seeing me happy
What’s more plausible is this:
You’ve been meeting with so many people yesterday, and you got no time to check your phone. So you didn’t reply me, didn’t even open your chats until late at night. Even then, you’re too tired to reply so you wait till today. Until it’s lunch time when you’re no longer burdened. Except, you didn’t even say sorry, you thought the apology is implied in your answer, but I’m not a mind reader. I sent back a sad face thinking you’d reply to see how you can make me feel better, thinking you’d reply to figure out why I sent a sad face. But you thought to yourself, ‘I don’t have time for this shit’ and so you left me again. And it hurts. It hurts more than I thought it’d be because I keep telling myself to lower my expectations, and it still feels like a knife twisting between my ribcages. It feels like a hand clenching over my chest and wreaking havoc in my guts. And you’re still silent.
05 01 2017
and here i’m secretly wishing that we’re not compatible
because the thought of being disappointed again and again is torturous
but they say be careful what you wish for
and i’m contemplating reality
the demand of your work
the friendliness of you and your gal pals
can i power through them?
can i wither the storm?
04 01 2017
I found her.
Or, the girl I thought is her, anyway.
And she’s pretty. Smart. And of course, slimmer than me.
But she could be a best friend
A relative
Or a housemate
But he spent New Years together
And that must’ve meant something, right?
Or, the girl I thought is her, anyway.
And she’s pretty. Smart. And of course, slimmer than me.
But she could be a best friend
A relative
Or a housemate
But he spent New Years together
And that must’ve meant something, right?
03 01 2017
i am once again reminded of why i hate getting attached
because my hopes are insurmountable
and reality crashes like a wave onto jagged cliff-sides
because the books always remind me of him
and i become a renowned critic of fictions
because the movies are so cliche
and yet i wish the sweet walks in moonlight happen to us too
because the music are all wrong
and none of them ever compare to the pain i feel
because it has always been pain that's left behind
and i am yet again reminded that he has someone better
because i always become too curious for my own good
and the reality that she could be the one who has his heart always breaks mine
and i wanna see if he cares
but he still hasn't reached out
because my hopes are insurmountable
and reality crashes like a wave onto jagged cliff-sides
because the books always remind me of him
and i become a renowned critic of fictions
because the movies are so cliche
and yet i wish the sweet walks in moonlight happen to us too
because the music are all wrong
and none of them ever compare to the pain i feel
because it has always been pain that's left behind
and i am yet again reminded that he has someone better
because i always become too curious for my own good
and the reality that she could be the one who has his heart always breaks mine
and i wanna see if he cares
but he still hasn't reached out
03 01 2017
and I hope your heart will skip a beat whenever I smile, and you'd make a vow to never stop making me smile. but this is real life, and those things only happen in fiction.
- I hate my period because I get so emotional over everything.
- I hate my period because I get so emotional over everything.
03 01 2017
In the past, whenever she asks me to go with her, it was to make sure she got a valid reason of escape. She'd look at me and say, "are you tired?" and I'd nod, and she'd excuse us from whoever it was we were visiting.
and i kept thinking, is that what I am to her? an excuse? an escape plan? because I thought I was more.
and i kept thinking, is that what I am to her? an excuse? an escape plan? because I thought I was more.
03 01 2017
I just realized
With you it was like a tsunami
A hurricane
A natural disaster
Striking fast and passionate
Only to leave me heaving for breath the next day
As I struggle keeping the flow alive
With you it was like a tsunami
A hurricane
A natural disaster
Striking fast and passionate
Only to leave me heaving for breath the next day
As I struggle keeping the flow alive
And I hate that you don’t contribute
That you expect me to keep asking
If it’s rejection; scream it to me
Instead of planting little seeds of hints
That I would probably trample and leave unseen
That you expect me to keep asking
If it’s rejection; scream it to me
Instead of planting little seeds of hints
That I would probably trample and leave unseen
You were a lightning, big and loud and gone in a flash.
When all I wanted is a constant waterfall.
When all I wanted is a constant waterfall.
02 01 2017
If I didn’t reply for a day
Or a week
Would you come looking for me?
Or will you still take me for granted?
The way I left you to your own devices
Thinking you’d say something
But you didn’t.
Or a week
Would you come looking for me?
Or will you still take me for granted?
The way I left you to your own devices
Thinking you’d say something
But you didn’t.
01 01 2017
Happynewyear.
As the sky lit up in burnt gunpowder
And the haze settles in the air
My mind wanders to you
To what you could possibly be doing
While I blink away the dust that rains down
Were you in between your sheets
With her, offering you warmth?
Were you in the midst of passion
When I checked in, to see if you're alright
Because you told me you were sick
As the sky lit up in burnt gunpowder
And the haze settles in the air
My mind wanders to you
To what you could possibly be doing
While I blink away the dust that rains down
Were you in between your sheets
With her, offering you warmth?
Were you in the midst of passion
When I checked in, to see if you're alright
Because you told me you were sick
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)