In the past, whenever she asks me to go with her, it was to make sure she got a valid reason of escape. She'd look at me and say, "are you tired?" and I'd nod, and she'd excuse us from whoever it was we were visiting.
and i kept thinking, is that what I am to her? an excuse? an escape plan? because I thought I was more.
03 01 2017
I just realized
With you it was like a tsunami
A hurricane
A natural disaster
Striking fast and passionate
Only to leave me heaving for breath the next day
As I struggle keeping the flow alive
With you it was like a tsunami
A hurricane
A natural disaster
Striking fast and passionate
Only to leave me heaving for breath the next day
As I struggle keeping the flow alive
And I hate that you don’t contribute
That you expect me to keep asking
If it’s rejection; scream it to me
Instead of planting little seeds of hints
That I would probably trample and leave unseen
That you expect me to keep asking
If it’s rejection; scream it to me
Instead of planting little seeds of hints
That I would probably trample and leave unseen
You were a lightning, big and loud and gone in a flash.
When all I wanted is a constant waterfall.
When all I wanted is a constant waterfall.
02 01 2017
If I didn’t reply for a day
Or a week
Would you come looking for me?
Or will you still take me for granted?
The way I left you to your own devices
Thinking you’d say something
But you didn’t.
Or a week
Would you come looking for me?
Or will you still take me for granted?
The way I left you to your own devices
Thinking you’d say something
But you didn’t.
01 01 2017
Happynewyear.
As the sky lit up in burnt gunpowder
And the haze settles in the air
My mind wanders to you
To what you could possibly be doing
While I blink away the dust that rains down
Were you in between your sheets
With her, offering you warmth?
Were you in the midst of passion
When I checked in, to see if you're alright
Because you told me you were sick
As the sky lit up in burnt gunpowder
And the haze settles in the air
My mind wanders to you
To what you could possibly be doing
While I blink away the dust that rains down
Were you in between your sheets
With her, offering you warmth?
Were you in the midst of passion
When I checked in, to see if you're alright
Because you told me you were sick
30 12 2016
I’m trying not to read into anything
I’m trying to just let it flow
I’m trying not to forget the disappointment
I’m trying to protect myself
So don’t be shocked when I close up
The way a clam would whenever a hand gets too close
I’m trying to just let it flow
I’m trying not to forget the disappointment
I’m trying to protect myself
So don’t be shocked when I close up
The way a clam would whenever a hand gets too close
29 12 2016
[02:50]
I caved in
I gave up the control
And I fall right back into you
With less expectations, I hope.
I caved in
I gave up the control
And I fall right back into you
With less expectations, I hope.
29 12 2016
I wish you took something away from me
I wish you stole a piece of me
to justify the sadness I feel.
Because above all
I still wish you’d say hello
And look for me somehow
To remind me that you haven’t forgotten about me
the way I’ll never forget you.
And the worst part is
I thought I was finally good enough
I thought I was enough for someone else
When my family don’t even think I’m enough
But I was dreaming, wasn’t I?
Because we never even sat down and talk
All we did was say hi and goodbye, all in one day
We never even met after that
Or we were supposed to, but you bailed.
And I’m partly grateful that we never see each other again
Because parting ways after that
Would hurt more than it’s hurting now
Wouldn’t it?
I wish you stole a piece of me
to justify the sadness I feel.
Because above all
I still wish you’d say hello
And look for me somehow
To remind me that you haven’t forgotten about me
the way I’ll never forget you.
And the worst part is
I thought I was finally good enough
I thought I was enough for someone else
When my family don’t even think I’m enough
But I was dreaming, wasn’t I?
Because we never even sat down and talk
All we did was say hi and goodbye, all in one day
We never even met after that
Or we were supposed to, but you bailed.
And I’m partly grateful that we never see each other again
Because parting ways after that
Would hurt more than it’s hurting now
Wouldn’t it?
29 12 2016
“This isn’t supposed to end like this,” she whispered.
“We’re not supposed to end like this,” she said as tears roll down her cheeks.
And yet, silence greets her, whisking her away to nothingness as her dream crashes and her reality sinks in.
28 12 2016
I deleted his contacts 2 days ago. It was so I can stop lurking; so I can no longer check to see if he’s online; what time he was last seen. I kept checking his social medias, to see if he’s out and about. But he’s nowhere to be seen. He posted 2 photos some days ago; and it made me sad. In one, he was sitting, showing off new money, and behind him is a calendar made of post-its. I saw it and immediately teared up; I have a gut feeling that I didn’t make it to that calendar. That it’s the only possibility that he could forget me that day. Oh, 19. The day will forever etched as a sad day. I swore to forget him, to scream out ‘fuck you’ off the top of buildings, so the world knows that I am no longer in his captive. And yet I dreamed of him this morning. In my dream I was doing something with some people and then he arrived and sat somewhere else. When it was time to go home, I ran after him and asked him if he can talk to me for a sec. He came after me and I asked him what’s up. I asked about work and he explained to me while walking through a market. The dream ended before I ever got the chance to say anything I meant to say. And it felt a lot like reality.
29 12 2016 update: i added him again.
29 12 2016 update: i added him again.
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