it's in moments like these that i wish for numbness,
so i can care less about what you do
so i can be selfish
and let you feel guilty
but you probably won't
you probably didn't even blink or panicked when i texted last night
not the way it went in my head, i guess.
because you forgot
because i'm easily forgotten
i'm not that memorable, i guess.
i kept thinking,
what if i say goodbye now
would you remember me in a couple of years?
would my smile flash in your memory when you least expected it?
or probably, i would only be a dark smudge in your head
a faceless, nameless girl
another tick on your scoreboard.
but that's for later.
for now, i have to think of a response
a perfect response
one that shows that i'm unfazed
that this doesn't deter me much
that i don't feel anything
because i have to be selfless
i have to put others first
no matter how broken i feel
i have to put others first.